wooooooosh

I danced for like the first time since last May today. For like 3 hours. I could do this alll dayy every day with no breaks, but boo school stinks. My parents keep getting mad every time I decide to dance for some reason -__-. They're all like "Go study. Blah blah blah." Wthhhhhh.... -____________-

I think I'll make a dance cover for some song sometime like next weekend. 4Minute "Huh"? Maybee.

I go study now. -___-

Still Not Day 4

(In Spanish, me and a partner had to make up 10 sentences using vocab words about how we're gonna help save the environment.)

Me: We will invent robots that will save the world. Inventaremos robots que salvará al mundo.

Justin: Ok. And.... We will..... decrease.....pollution. From volcanoes.

Me: We can't do that.

Justin: What? Why not?

Me: Because.... we can't stop volcanoes from erupting.

Justin: But wha-..... oh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(I was saying something after AP Calc blah blah blah)

Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH my body

Tyusha: Your what?

Me: BODY!

Tyusha: What? Boty?

Me: BODYYYYY!!! LIKE YA KNOW, MY BODY!

Tyusha: OHH! Body! Like B-O-D-I.

Me: ..... what?

Tyusha: Uhhh....I didn't say that.

Not Day 4

I'll do this tomorrow or something.

SAT. -_________- That essay was poop. I actually thought I had a really good essay going until I got cut off in the middle of it. I only had a couple of sentences to go. So the last thing I wrote was, "No. I wa"

And I wrote/mentioned my dream in my essay. At least, I think it's my dream. But.... I don't know why I did that. Cuz that was the first time I admitted to myself that that's what I really want to do, but..... It's stupid. It's such a stupid, not practical dream. And I could have gone the rest of my life just thinking it was "just a thought" or "something that's cool", but now I can't. Cuz I wrote about it in my SAT essay. I hate the SATs.

AGHJKFHWODHSJDKSKDJLSWH I HATE THIS.. I'm gonna try hard now. And I probably won't be able to do it, but at least I can say I tried, right? Starting tomorrow.

No.... I don't know. I really don't wanna admit this, and trying hard would be admitting it. It's so dumb. -__- I'll just... kinda do something. But not really. And that way even if I fail, it's not like I "cared" in the first place.

Lololol Taeyang just updated his Twitter like 6 times in the past 20 minutes with pics. He's so cute. He's gonna leave NYC soon. Ahhh I felt so close to him these past few days ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I wonder where he's going next. LOL DELAWARE! Psych. If he came here, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'd be freaking out. And I'd skip school trying to find him lol.

Anywayyy, I guess I'll do Day 4 tomorrow.

Day 3 - Racism

I have much to say on this subject, but I don't really feel like doing this.

So I'm just gonna say that racism is bad. But it happens. And I'm racist too to an extent. But I'm not like "OHMAGAWD YOU'Z MEXICAN GO DIE!" I'm more like "ohmagawd crazy black girls are really annoying." And that's like... even BLACK PEOPLE think that. So I think I'm ok.

This is kinda like racism but a bit different. What I really hate is when people aren't open-minded. Like, I hate when people listen to music they've never heard before and they're like "omg this is gay". Or "this is so weird" or "why are they dressed like that" (referring to some scantily clad people in Indian music). Ok about THAT, the whole scantily clad thing. Man, that is NOTHING. Have you heard what kind of crap songs are in America these days. They're DISGUSTING. It's gross. Like... it's not even "cool". All these people listen to rap and stuffs because they're like "mannn I'm so G!" And I just wanna shoot them and be like "YOUR. MUSIC. IS. DISGUSTING." And it doesn't even sound like music half the time. I like r&b and rap when, you know, it sounds like MUSIC and it has a RHYTHM. But when it's just some guy talking fast in a sleazy, sloppy voice about dropping your panties or whatever I just don't get it. I don't even understand how these people become famous. They have no talent. I could do that! I JUST DON'T GET IT!

So I think if you're gonna be listening to crap like that, the least you can do is be open-minded when listening to other music.

gyfk

Eliot Chang

Ok so after the whole bad mood thing, I decided to watch comedians on Youtube.

White people are not funny. All the funny guys are either Indian, Asian, or Mexican. Maybe Italian sometimes. But white people suck. It's 4 AM right now and I've been watching sucky white people for the past hour and then I came across this guy. Lololololol

Day 2 - Confidence

I'm in such a foul mood right now that I don't know how I'm gonna get through this post. I'm literally shaking. Bottling things up is never a good thing and.... I dunno. Whatever. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. SHIT. Ok, I'm done.

About confidence: It's important to have it. People like people who have confidence. And people don't like people who don't have confidence. I personally really hate it when people are always putting themselves down in public and have too much self-pity. Like pretty people who say they're ugly. Sometimes I think they're just doing it for attention...which I guess equals low confidence. Which I don't like.

That's not to say I'm the most confident person in the world or anything. I think I act like I'm pretty confident. I mean I don't remember ever being less than confident in public. But god, everything I do, all the time, it's not even the real me. I don't even know what the real me is, man. I think my life has just become like a huge on-going act that I've learned to live out reallyyyyy well. So well that I forget that it's an act until I get like this. I hate being in this type of mood. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this post now. I should wait till later. Well I don't give a fuck.

I lied. My head's getting clearer now. I have confidence. But I also have self-doubt. Maybe more self-doubt than confidence, but you know what they say: fake it till you make it. I think I just press myself to be more confident and just hide away the doubt and worry so on the outside I become carefree or whatever. That's cool. I like carefree people. So if people think I'm carefree, then I'm doing something right.

I just think it's important to really know about yourself and believe in yourself. And even if you don't believe in yourself, cuz I don't really believe in myself much when I think about it, you just have to utilize your biggest weapon: lies. Lie to yourself until you make yourself believe it and then it'll be true. Or maybe it won't be true. But if you BELIEVE it's true then at least you'll be happy in thinking it's true.

And....I don't know. My thoughts are so jumbled up and I have so many thoughts right now. I just read what I typed and I don't think I included even half the things I wanted to. And the things I did include don't make sense without the stuff I didn't include so you get a completely different message than what I was trying to say. Blah. Whatever. Well while I was writing this and thinking about it, I thought, "Actors are just liars. Except more respectable." But I couldn't find a place to fit it in. And there's more stuff. AHHH! Too many thoughts. Ok I'm done.

Day 1 - Love

First of all, I just wanna say that I got a haircut. My hair feels sooo short now, even though some people would still consider it long. Maybe medium length. Anddd today I drew. I actually took a pencil and drew a person on a sheet of paper and took time to try to make him look nice. I drew a shirtless guy with a bow and arrows. I feel accomplished :D I HUNG IT UP ON MY REFRIGERATOR! :DDDD

Anyway, here goessss:

So I already wrote about some of this in that one post about Taeyang lol. But yea, I really do think all that.

And about friendly love....I dunno. I don't think it's as complicated. You love your friends or you don't. I love all my friends, buttt.... I don't think I've ever actually said "I love you" to someone. Except for....what's-his-face but I'll save that for Day 29. But I've never really told my friends I loved them or any of my family. And I have never told my parents I love them. Not once. But that doesn't mean I don't. I do, butttttt I just don't like...to...say it. I don't really like talking about my feelings. Like I talk about my superficial feelings to my friends or whoever but honestly, those things don't really matter to me. I've never talked about my fears, or hopes, or dreams, or insecurities with anyone.

Ok, I went off topic. Buttt you know, that could be a test or something in the future. Like I'll know if somebody's "the one" if I'm able to talk about those things with them. Or maybe not. I don't really want anyone to know about those things.

I don't know how anyone ever gets to the point where they decide they want to marry someone. It's like.... I don't know. I don't think I'm even qualified to be ranting about this topic since I'm so not experienced in it. I really don't know anything about it.

I love my sister. She's the one person in this world that I would probably give up anything or do anything for. Except I refuse to do things that involve me getting up and doing something. Like getting her a glass of water. BUT, I would do stuffs for her.

LOVE IS: when someone genuinely wishes for the well-being of another person. That's it. You might think it's too simple a definition, but I don't think it is. Because honestly, you can wish for the well-being of a lot of people and you can wish for people to be successful, but I think most people and definitely me included are always hindered from being good people because of this thing called ENVY (more on Day 23). So when nothing can stop you from wanting the best for someone else, even if it's at the cost of your own happiness, that's love.

I don't know if I can ever get to that level with anyone. lakfafbafhjakf. I'm never getting married. akfhakfhawfhua.KA:JDHAKLAHDLASD

Lifestyle change

Yesterday, I cooked something that was not noodles, pasta, or an omelette for the first time. I made a CHICKEN BREAST and I made a salad. And it was actually pretty good, considering I didn't know what I was doing.

My....it's not a diet. Like a lifestyle change? Yea that. It went well yesterday. Except that my sister gave me a brownie. And then I ate more brownies. But that was at the end of the day. I WAS DOING SO WELL UNTIL THEN! I ate all these vegetables and fruits and junk. Mannnn.

And LOL the funny thing is, my dad went grocery shopping the day before yesterday and I told him to get baby carrots cuz they're like the one vegetable that I even KNOW about. And then when I was about to eat some yesterday my mom was like "NO! YOU'RE ALLERGIC, REMEMBER?" And I was like "...oh yea." So I can't carrots. Darnit.

Anddddd I'm gonna do this 30-day rant challenge thing. Haha I stole it from Shalom's tumblr who stole it from someone else.

Day 1 – love
Day 2 – confidence
Day 3 – racism
Day 4 – our generation
Day 5 – haters
Day 6 – followers
Day 7 – tumblr
Day 8 – bestfriend
Day 9 – wants and needs
Day 10 – make up
Day 11 – global warming
Day 12 – boys
Day 13 – girls
Day 14 – appearance
Day 15 – education
Day 16 – long distant relationship
Day 17 – tumblr without pictures
Day 18 – stereotypes
Day 19 – plastic surgery
Day 20 – your future
Day 21 – disrespecting your parents
Day 22 – the three main topics that are often talked about on tumblr
Day 23 – jealousy
Day 24 – guilt
Day 25 – regrets
Day 26 – the world
Day 27 – your parents
Day 28 – justin bieber
Day 29 – your ex
Day 30 – you

I start today. But not now. Later.

AHHHMYGAWWWWWD

So I went to the doctor's on Thursday. I've been going to the doctor's a lot recently. Hm.

But I got weighed and OHHHMYYYYGOD! I'VE NEVER WEIGHED THIS MUCH IN MY LIFE! It's disgusting really. Like when I say the number in my head, it makes me puke. I remember back when I used to be a size 0, I would see a jeans size larger than mine and laugh at fat people that had to wear those sizes. I WEAR THAT SIZE NOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm weaning myself off junk food. No more chocolate. No more donuts. No more whatever. I'm eating clementines now. VITAMIN C!

My Room

Is so messy. My dad just told me that even the pens where they keep the buffaloes and goats and stuff in India are cleaner than my room.

And then he tried to clean it up, but I wouldn't let him because I had to learn responsibility. And I guess he's given up or something cuz then he was like "You'll never learn responsibility." -_-

HarHarHar

Haha I came home today and I tried to teach my mom a secret handshake so she would feel like she was hip and young. But she wasn't really paying attention. I guess old people don't have time for secret handshakes and stuff. Or maybe they just don't get it. So I was like "Mummy, you're not doing it right! You're so uncool." And then she's like "I'm not cool, I'm HOT! :D"

...-__-

I ate chicken wings today. They were sooo yummy oh my goddd. I think the last time I had them was like when I was 8. Maybe 9. I don't know, but it was years and years ago. Ahhh they were so good.

And yea, you know that whole hula hoop thing? It's not working out. Because I don't have a hula hoop. And apparently Walmart didn't have hula hoops. They probably did and my dad just couldn't find them. Geez, if you want anything done around here, you gotta do it yourself. You can't trust adults with anything anymore. *sigh*

I'm wearing a red shirt and white socks.

So Tyusha said I should tell a story today. So I shall. :D

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, there were two girls named Gertrude and Winifred and they were the best of friends. And there was also this guy named Jebediah. So Gertrude and Jebediah -

....ok this is a really dumb story, I don't feel like telling it anymore. -__-

But here's some really OLD OLD OLD convos that I randomly found in my binder today:

Shalom: It looks big.

Gay White: ...what looks big?

Shalom: Your skittles.

Me: No they're normal sized.

Shalom: No it was upright so I thought it was big.

Parkhill: YOU GOT JOKES!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shalom: Black people are weird.

Me: I know...

Blackman: Black people are weird?

Me: The screaming ones in the hallway.

Blackman: Oh yea

Gay White: White people are weird. I hate them.

Me: Shut up. >_<

Gay White: What? You're not white? Why would you be offe-

Terrell: Shut the f*** up.

Me: LOL

Blackman: LOL

White girl: LOL

Shalom: Did I miss something?

My Laziness Knows No Bounds -__-

So, I meant to write about this a few days ago but didn't because of the whole laziness thing.

I am sooooooooo lazyyyyyyyyyyyy. Like, it's gotten to the point where I won't/can't do anything for myself. So there I was, slobbing it out on the recliner and I think I was eating something and I asked my mom to take the empty bowl and put it in the sink for me. She wouldn't. My dad saw and he like forced me to get up and do it myself. Then my mom asked me to do something. So I told my sister to do it. And then my dad forced me to do it myself. Then he made me pick up something and throw it away from underneath the recliner. AND THEN he made me "do the same motions" 10 times because that was the only kind of exercise I was getting. Because apparently I don't do anything but sit around all day. ALL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's kinda true.

So my New Year's resolution is to limit my time with my laptop. But I'm not gonna say how much I'm gonna limit it. I trust my judgment enough to think that I would limit myself reasonably. And I decided that my new form of "exercise" (well, I dunno if you can call it exercise but at least I won't be able to eat or sit down while I'm doing it) is to HULA HOOP while mindlessly watching TV.

See, I would have decided to start running everyday and going to the gym like I used to but my laziness has gotten to the point where I won't even run on the treadmill IN OUR HOUSE because I'm too lazy to put my socks and sneakers on. At least with hula hooping, I don't need socks. Or shoes.

But hula hooping is kinda blah though. You don't get the endorphins you get from running. I LOVE running. I mean I'm not one of those weirdos that love "to run". I don't like the actual RUNNING part. But when I'm done, then I'm happy and I actually look forward to the next day when I'm gonna run again. BUT NOW I'M SO LAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOLOLOLOL. I'm at my uncle's house and apparently the toilet upstairs is clogged so everyone's upstairs and they're trying to figure out how to unclog it and make it work again. It's hilarious. And now people are talking about my other uncle's marriage and his "matches" and stuff. And now they're talking about watches. And now they're talking about drums.

I put make-up on my uncle today :D I put foundation and mascara on him but he wouldn't let me do eyeliner for him. Lololol.

Oh, and now we're reading each other's palms.

I'm out.