College apps

I haven't updated this thing since before school started. And I haven't been writing convos down or uploading them. :(

I'm gonna start doing that again. AND COLLEGE APPS DUE THURSDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I am obsessed with Gossip Girl. This is a problem.

And now I must go write an essay about what I would like to tell my future roommate.

summer reading blogs

I am currently not writing my summer reading blogs because I don't feel like putting my thoughts into cohesive paragraphs. it might have been a good idea to write these after i finished each book.

I WILL FINISH THIS STUFF YO! IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE TAKING THIS LONG! and then I have to do my spanish homework before wednesday.

and i am gonna be such a good girl this year. no more procrastinating evaarrrr. and i am gonna write the best college essays i possibly can. and STUDY FOR SAT FOR A WHOLE WEEK! that should be enough to put me at 2300+. and then study for sat subject tests for like.... every single second of the day that i'm not doing something else so i get at least 700+ in each on. and study for act for like a week i guess. maybe two since i've never taken it before.

I must get into NYU Stern. If I don't, I will... cry. In public. Disgusting. T___T And then, I will quit pursuing my education to become an exotic dancer. Or I'll go to UD.... and cry.

ok i go finish a blog post now, or else naomi won't tell me her story. byebye.

SUMMERRRRRRRRRR

It's the 4th day of summer, not including Wednesday even though it pretty much counts since I went to the beach that day.

I'm so excited ^_^. I tried to start my common app today but apparently you can't until August 1. T_________T. Oh well. YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T TRY TO BE RESPONSIBLE!

I'm going over to Shalom's later today to work on TSA stuff. I CAN'T WAIT! NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALSSSSSSSS :D

And I am now 17. I'M 17 NOWWWWWWWWW. And I gots plasticccc :D But I'm not allowed to use it. Ever. Except for emergencies. Pfff whatevz lol. I spent like an hour repracticing my signature so it could be small enough to fit on the little strip on the back of the card, but it sucked. They need to make the strip bigger T__T.

I SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

My daddy has good taste in dresses. Yesterday I bought a scarf. It's very pretty. My daddy liked it. My daddy is so much cooler than my mommy. I love my daddy. Today's father's day. But my daddy and my uncle and grandparents and sister and cousin all went to Niagara Falls. I stayed home to work on TSA stuff and I was hoping I could be home alone for 2 days, but I'm not. My mom stayed home cuz she didn't think I could stay home alone for 2 days by myself T_____T. Wtf.

TSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I have to do Music Production. Blajiasflasfhks;jkflsajf;sfjsfadkfnas;.

I'm gonna go write in my diary now about that poopface. I saw Viktor at Sindhu/Vish's party yesterday and he pretty much avoided me until I finally said hi, and then he said hey and kept walking. JAHIDBHSLKIOWUEFIDSIEHJFKSUJFLSHK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:( It would have been a decent bday had I not gone to that stupid party.

Dragon

Yea so the word "dragon" is gonna be a thing. If you hear people saying it all the time, just know that I started it.

because i'm not doing my paper

First off, do you think greasy hair is a turn off?
- This is such a random questin. Uh yea I guess.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Or just of the heartbreak?
- Why do you assume I'm afraid of something? T__T

What do you usually put on your hot dog?
- nothing.

Has anyone ever given you the ‘v’ sign? -wink wink-
- Uhh what does that even mean?

Have you ever been on the back of a motorcycle?
- yea


When you are nervous, what do you do with your hands?
- apparently I play with the left side of my hair

Which do you prefer: a beeping sound for your alarm, or music?
- music

Does it annoy you if people hang out in your front yard?
- Why would anyone do that...

How long have you gone without wearing deodorant?
- i dunno?

When you are ‘of age’ would you like to have children?
- sure

Do you like to type/text with proper spelling and grammer?
- n0 i <3 7Yp!ng lik Di$

Do you laugh after you reject a person, preferably a boy?
- Uhh who the hell would do that?

Do you tend to invite yourself to things/parties?
- No

A random person comes up to you, hands you 100$, you do what?
- Stare at them...

How fast is your internet connection?
- Good i guess

Does it bug you when people say, ‘ohemgee’ outloud?
- Idc

Estimate, what is the longest time you’ve slept for?
- 12 hours and 38 minutes between the last time i looked at the clock before i fell asleep and the time i woke up

If you say, “I don’t care” do you usually mean it?
- usually

Have you ever licked the sidewalk?
- Yes, i lick sidewalks all the time. It's my favorite hobby.

Or, have you ever tried to fry an egg in the street when it’s hot?
- Yes, I find that produces the best results when cooking eggs

Are you ‘little miss bossy’?
- No. You are.

Your friend asks you to come over and lay on the train tracks, and?
- I've always wanted to do that actually...

How long does it take you to get ready if you take a shower?
- A long ass time. It depends on where I'm going.

Has anyone ever told you that you smell bad?
- My sister T___T

Does it annoy you when people say words 3 times, like “oh oh oh”?
- Who does that? Except for in the one song "oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh"

What do you do if someone tries to break in your house?
- call 911 and grab heavy lethal objects that i've already placed around my house in strategic locations :D i want to be ready when the zombies come

Do you think that violence is the answer?
- the answer to what?

What is a good quote that you like to read?
- ...I don't enjoy reading quotes more than one time? Who does?

What does the number 100370 mean to you?
- It's the date the world is gonna blow up.

Would you rather walk the streets at night, or during the day?
- What street am I walking?

What is your most used email address?
- you're a stalker.

Your computer crashes, deletes EVERYTHING, can you survive?
- I don't think anyone in this day and age can

SATs

Today I had dal makhani and paratha for dinner again. My mom got mad at me because I'm fat, but my dad told her not to be mad because I have SATs tomorrow. LOLOLOL.

Bahhh I know you're not supposed to study the night before the exam, but I GOTTAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! :(

I'm going to Yukon tomorrow with Naomi. And I'm gonna eat the legit korean food :D

God has given me a sign

The day I decided to go running after a loooong dry spell of not running, my dad decided to get pizza. I did not ask for pizza or even mention pizza. This never happens.

The next day (today), my mom made dal makhani, paneer, AND paratha. Two different kinds of paratha. These are all like my favorite Indian foods that I never get to eat because we're south indian and because they make you fat. And I got to eat all of them on the same day. AND I DIDN'T EVEN ASK!!!!!! THIS NEVER HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think this means that God wants me to be fat. Possibly because my excess bulge will come in handy soon during the zombie apocalypse when I have to burn my stored fat for energy because I can't risk leaving my shelter to rob a Wal-Mart. This means that God thinks I have a good chance of making it through the apocalypse and I will need my extra fat reserves to nourish the several babies I must have in order to repopulate the Earth.

Awesome.

it's not a diary

Friday when Alex, Tyusha, and I went to the mall to get Nikki's bday present, I bought a.... ummm..... cute blank book with lines on the inside. Tyusha and Alex saw through the bag and thought it was a diary. But it's not. It's a cute blank book with lines on the inside. That I happen to write in.

I like writing in it :) I can write stuff that's too personal to put on the blog and stuff. It's like therapy in a book. But it's not a diary. Seriously. And i think it's easier to keep writing in it than it is to make blog entries. The act of writing words on paper is nice :)

I RAN TODAY! Only cuz my dad decided to get pizza for dinner T___T, but still.

NYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I really really really really wanna go. If I get in and that other thing that I shouldn't tell anyone about yet happens, I will donate $1001 to the Hindu Temple up in Hockessin.

*cross my fingers*

Also, I'm taking SATs on the 4th. I bet my mom a nonexistent $1200 that I'll get a 2300... Why did I do that? Omg.

i dont pms -__-

I never thought I PMS. Like I don't get particularly moody at that time of month compared to other times of the month. At least that's what I thought.

Yesterday we had a lan party for tsa and i came late and the parking lot was full cuz the spring sports banquet thing was at the same time. So i was looking around for a parking spot in the main lot and there was only spot left but me and some lady were going for it at the same time. I was like whatever and just let her have it. But then I circled around again and I couldn't find another spot and I started crying. WTHHHHHH!?
But anyway, I just parked in the junior lot. T_____T

Update: Today I teared up when I accidentally unplugged my laptop and it shut down. I HATE MY PERIODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. T_T

today is mother's day

I hate my mother.

Grammyyyy

My grandmother can't read English at all. She was about to clean my bathtub and she brings me a bottle and asks, "Is this what you use to clean the bathtubs?" And I'm like, "That's mouthwash..."

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

I have a friend

who has a pretty voice. And can play the guitar. And she sang a song and put it up on youtube. But she would get mad if I put the link to video on here. But I like it :) And it's pretty and she's pretty and she's funny and I am inspired. For some reason. I think cuz I actually know her and she's not some random talented youtube personality. But I like it :D

SO here it is.

Power of One

Last night was the Power of One fundraiser for Be Educated.

I ate soooo much food. Me and Naomi decided we were going to try literally everything that was there. I almost died of food.

That was only our desserts. We also had 4 more plates of food each for appetizers, indian food, italian food, and southern food. Yea. By the time we got to the desserts we could only eat a bite of each type of food.

There was a live and silent auction. During the live auction I wanted to bid on this pink Razor scooter with a matching pink helmet soooo badly but I had to call my dad and ask for permission first and he was all like no but I kept asking and then the bid for that item was over :(. But I got him to let me bid a maximum of $40 on something. But then all the stuff after that was stuff like paintings and high-price stuff. I was sad.

Miss Diamond State was there and me and Naomi spent the whole time just staring at her cuz she was SOOO pretty and skinny and blah blah blah. So then the last live auction item was for a luncheon date with Miss Diamond State where she would be buying lunch and I bid! :D For $35. But then this old guy bid for $45. So then I bid for $55 because Tyusha said she would loan me $15. But then the old guy bid for $65 and then I was all mad. :( But then later she came up and said she appreciated the bids and said we can go out for lunch anyway and gave me her contact info :D YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

And I won a silent auction for $10 on some Mark. stuff. Tyusha let me win :)

Doctor, doctor feeeel good. come make me feel reeeal good.

Recently like 893235789259 new girl groups came out and I don't really listen/pay attention to/like any of them. But I like this one group called Rania. Their song Dr. Feel Good is like controversial cuz of the choreography but... I like it. ^_^

Dr. Feel Good - Rania

And wahhhhhhh :( I keep thinking about it. WHYYYYY!? Like I just randomly want to zone out so I can think about it, but there's nothing to think about. I keep thinking that if I wasn't so stupid and naive... AGH! It's never gonna happennnnn. There's no way. Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. But I like him :(. WHY WON'T HE GET ONLINE!? I don't wanna text him first cuz I don't wanna look desperate/bother him. Freaking..... T_T

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! In Physics, Parkhill's pretty much been conditioned to walk away every time I want to ask him a question or tell him a joke or a story. Because it's always off-topic, weird, inappropriate, etc. But now I've learned to use it to my advantage. Whenever me, Alexandra, Shalom, or Terrell want him not be in our corner of the room so he can't see what we're doing, I just say MR. PARKHILL! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING! So then he walks away :). But today, he kept walking away and coming back and walking away and coming back and finally me and shalom were like OMG! GO AWAY! WE DON'T WANT YOU IN THIS CORNER! THAT'S WHY I KEEP SAYING I HAVE A JOKE TO TELL YOU! And he was like T_____T.

I doing good in my diet. :D My grandmother is trying to sabotage me by trying to make me eat stuff. Whattheheck.

Dude, I don't even know

In class, instead of doing our work, me, Melanie, and Tyusha went online and took IQ tests and at the end of the test we had to type our email so they could email us our score. I put in my old state TSA email because I didn't want junk mail in my regular one. I don't use that email anymore but I checked it a few months ago for something, so I knew I still knew the password. But when I tried to log on, I couldn't remember the password. So I used the security question feature. I made this account about 2 years ago and apparently I decided to make my own security question. It was, "Why do you hate Purav?"............

................

........................

I couldn't answer it. What the freaking heck.

motivation/ugadi/babies/poor/decision-making

Ok. I have a new, like urgent reason that I need to be super fit and I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna DO IT.

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Last Sunday was Ugadi and we had this party thing and me, Chandu, Dolly, and Bhavana were all bored and stuff. We decided to watch Taken and then we looked through Dolly's phone and it said something about David and we were all like "OHHH DAVID...." and then we made fun of her. And then Chandu kept like.... just saying David this, David that and making references to David over and over again and we were just laughing and we forgot why were even kept saying that name. IT WAS SO FUNNY! I LITERALLY ALMOST CHOKED ON MY LAUGHTER!

And then after the movie were were SOOOO bored, so we just chilled on the sofas. And then we got all the little kids to think that their name was David. This one little kid who we didn't even know ACTUALLY thought his name was David. And we told him to go ask his dad if his name was David and he actually did it. And his dad was like "No you're name is Kartik." IT WAS SO FUNNY! And then he was like "Hey, I'm Kartik!" and were like "No, you're David." And then he went around saying he was David. And then ALL the little kids started saying there names were David. And then Kartik was like "I'm David." and we were like "No, you're Kartik." And he was sooo confused and it was so cute and IT WAS SO FUNNY! And then out of nowhere this one other little kid was like "My name is Joe."

And then when we were leaving, Baby Harini was so cute. I like picked her up (she only came to me and none of the other people) and I was like "Ok say bye to Mummy, I'm gonna take you home with me." And most babies, if you pick them up and you're about to leave the house without their parents, they start crying, but not her. She was just like all calm. And she just looked at her mom while I was taking her towards our car. But I couldn't actually take her home so then I brought her back. SHE WAS SO CUTE!!!!!!

I want a baby. But not really. But babies are so cute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had 35 bucks. And I spent it all. 0_0

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I went to Yukon with Alex and the waitress lady had to come over 3 times before I finally decided what I wanted to get. Alex was like "When you decide to propose to your husband (which I don't understand cuz guys are the ones who propose), you're gonna be like 'Oh I dunno, do I want to? Or no...?' and he's just gonna be like 'Uhh nvm. I'm not marrying you.'" And then afterwards I went to the store with Alex to buy some makeup and half an hour later, I bought a lipstick (which I love) and Alex was ready to kill me.

And today I went to Target with Tyusha for nailpolish and I literally spent one full hour to buy ONE BOTTLE OF NAILPOLISH! Tyusha was seriously gonna like shoot my face off. She was like "How are you ever going to make life decisions?"

If I get into multiple colleges, I dunno how I'm gonna pick one..... 0_0

More convos

(me and mark are talking about my chinese class. he's chinese)

Mark: Now I'm curious about the chinese class.

Me: You should take it. There's a chinese girl in my class. From China.

Mark: She's......not attractive. (Mark's not exactly attractive either)

Me: ...What the heck Mark, you're a jerk. She has pretty skin. (in my head I'm thinking that Mark's standards are too high....)

Mark: Pretty skin? That's it? I WANT A PRETTY FACE!

Me: ......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vaman: Can I have one [Hershey's bar]. (cuz i was selling candy for a fundraiser)

Me: For a dollar.

Vaman: How about for 4 pennies?

Me: No T__T

Vaman: Aw come on! They're all different pennies! (yesterday he showed me his little collection of different kinds of pennies with different thingies on the back)

Me: I don't care....

Vaman: Not just molecule different. Like they're actua--

Me: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

The rest of the class: .....o_O

Me: Lol.... cuz... he said....molecule different LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

The rest of the class: T___T

1000 cranes update

I did it. I am now $50 richer and will soon be like 500 calories fatter.

1000 CRANESSSSSSS

I'm making a 1000 cranes. It's a Japanese legend that anyone who makes a 1000 cranes gets a wish and we started this thing in school to make cranes and sell them to raise money for Japan. I decided to make my own 1000 cranes because I thought the wish thing would only work if one person makes all of them and I wanted to make a wish for Japan and then I was gonna give my cranes away to be sold.

But I'm so selfish -__- 1. I changed my wish to something selfish and stupid and 2. My cranes are getting sloppier and sloppier and I don't think anyone would buy them lol.

Anyway, so Vaman (and Andrew and Matt) thought I'd never be able to make a 1000 cranes so I bet them I could do it by Monday. This. Monday. I only have 900 more to go -__- Vaman bet me coldstone ice cream. Mark bet me 20 bucks. Justin bet me 5 bucks. Joe bet me 10 bucks. Akwasi bet me 15 bucks.

I'm gonna be sooo rich on Monday :)

Also, I'm using my crane making time to contemplate whether I should make my wish about Japan or the other thing. I'm so selfish. -___________- I hope I decide to make my wish about Japan. I want to be a good person :(

o;wugajj; YAY

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i so happy.

for no reason really. like the reason isn't really a good reason to be THIS happy.

but at least i'm not upset anymore.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

ok i'm gonna go back to what i said before. "i'm not naive. i know everything."

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

im dumb.

i'm so stupid and naive. wow. wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

like, all these days when people said i'm naive and innocent and stuff, i just brushed it off cuz i knew they were wrong, and i know everything. no. i don't. i'm stupid.

procrastinate: 50 questions

[ZERO] Your ex texted you and wanted you back, would you take them back?
— uh no. he lives in like georgia.

[ONE] Has anyone told you “Forever and ever” then left?
— no lol

[TWO] Your relationship status?
— single

[THREE] Where did you meet your crush(s)?
— at school i guess. but i don't really have a crush on anyone -__- people in my school are too dumb

[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
— nope

[FIVE] Do you smoke weed regularly?
— nope

[SIX] Think back to the beginning of 2011, are you still dating the same person?
— i wasn't dating anyone lol

[SEVEN] Would your parents be mad if you were in a relationship?
— Yup.

[EIGHT] When was the last time you really laughed?
— Friday?

[NINE] Something’s wrong, first guy you turn too?
— I don't have any close guy friends.

[TEN] First girl you’d go too?
— Tyusha. Then Shalom if I feel like it's important enough.

[ELEVEN] Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you did?
— Well in 8th grade we were all chilling in Math League and I was hungry so I ate Rachel's chocolate pudding. She got pretty mad and I don't think she likes me much.

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
— No. Sorta. I don't really care.

[THIRTEEN] What’s stopping you from going for the person you like?
— I DON'T LIKE HIM!

[FOURTEEN] When was the last time you cried really hard?
— Yesterday. I cry all the time nowadays -__- and I've become overly sentimental.

[FIFTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for?
— My sister. But I would only do big things for her. Not little things like play with her or get her a glass of water. I'm too lazy for that stuff. :D

[SEVENTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to for more than 10 mins on the phone?
— I dunno. Probably Shalom. I don't talk to people on the phone. Or text people. I don't talk to ANYONE!

[EIGHTEEN] What is your favorite song?
— No favorites, just current obsessions:

Mia - IU (actually pretty much everything by IU)
Nu Abo - f(x)
Tonight - Big Bang
Can't Say I Love You - 2AM
Sheila Ki Jawani - Tees Maar Khan
Dheera Dheera Dheera - Magadheera
Manasantha Chala - Bujjgadu

[NINETEEN] Do you like Red Bull?
—- I've never had it.

[TWENTY] How many people can you tell just about everything to?
— One.

[TWENTY-ONE] Have you ever wished on a shooting star?
— Yea. When I was little I wasted ALL of my first-star-of-the-night wishes and shooting star wishes on "I wish I can be Sailor Moon." T________T What was wrong with me?

[TWENTY-TWO] Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?
— Uhhhh the last person I held hands with was...... I dunno.

[TWENTY-FOUR] Describe yourself in one word?
— Stupid.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you have anything that belongs to your ex?
— No.

[TWENTY SIX] Can you honestly say you’ve had a sleepover with the opposite gender?
— Yupp Chandu and I used to sleep over 5895320 times when we were little kids.

[TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you rebound?
— What does that even mean? You mean like if someone throws me against a wall, will I bounce back? Probably not.

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Ever cheated on someone?
— No

[TWENTY-NINE] What would you do if you found out the person you like was in a relationship?
— Be like "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" really loudly at the lunch table, because that's probably where I'd find out. And then laugh. Because, as I've said, I don't like him T_T

[THIRTY] Do you act differently around the person you like?
— No. I would. But I don't like him. WHY DO YOU JUST ASSUME!?

[THIRTY-ONE] Honestly, what guy’s number do you have memorized?
— No one's. LOL

[THIRTY-TWO] Is it hard to make you laugh?
— Nope. I laugh at everything. Pudding. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

[THIRTY-THREE] Who was the last person to make you mad?
— Terrell. Poop.

[THIRTY-FOUR] Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
— No.

[THIRTY-FIVE] Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?
— No.

[THIRTY-SIX] Has anyone ever called you “scrumptious” before?
— What.... the... hell?

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Would you like to put a night on repeat, and live it forever?
— Which night? Tonight? No. Tonight sucks. But yea there's probably some night in my past that I could put on repeat. Psych jk. I don't wanna repeat anything. Newwwwwww experiences!

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
— Pretty much.

[THIRTY-NINE] Is your best friend a slut?
— No lol.

[FORTY] Is hard drugs a turn off?
— Definitely.

[FORTY-ONE] Are you happy with life right now?
— No. T______________T

[FORTY-THREE] Are you still in love with your ex??
— No.

[FORTY-FOUR] Have you ever been the “other person” in a relationship?
— No. That I know of. LOLLLLLLLLL

[FORTY-FIVE] Have you ever had your heart broken?
— No, just disappointed.

[FORTY-SIX] Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
— Not that I know of.

[FORTY-SEVEN] Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in?
— No. Well, myself I guess.

[FORTY-EIGHT] Where is your best friend?
— In her house.

[FORTY-NINE] Something your happy about?
— YAYYYYYYY! ONLY LIKE 2 AND HALF MONTHS TILL SCHOOL'S OUT!

[FIFTY] How is your heart lately?
— Pretty good. I'm still young so all the junk food hasn't had a chance to catch up to me yet. Oh you meant, how is it emotionally? WHY DO U KEEP INTRUDING ON MY STUFFS!?

That was such a waste of time T_________T

heart motives

I only listened to one of the heart motives seminars! BAHHHHHHHHHHHH

I've been meaning to listen to them forever but I don't wanna listen until I get completely caught up and I'm in a state of peace and non-worryness. I WILL finish all my work today no matter what it takes or how long I have to stay up and then I'll treat myself to listening to heart motives all day tomorrow when I get home from school. :D

My aunt got me my special hula hoop. YAY!

No more junk food. I will kill Joe and feed all his candy to pigeons if I have to. And I'm broke anyway so I can't buy candy from him anyway. :D

Buttttt..... there's other stuff I need/want to buy. But I don't have money. And if I did have money, I refuse to buy it until I lose weight which I'll feel guilty about spending time on until my grades are up which I can't do if I don't finish my homework. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! END OF MARKING PERIOD IS THIS WEEK!

I need a job for the summer.

hajima hajima mamamamamamama

I don't really pay attention to any of the new girl groups that are coming out. But this new song by Girl's Day is so catchy. I like it. Sorta. It's catchy tho.

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LOL! Ok so there's kid in my physics class who isn't gay but we tease him for being gay But we don't tease him in a mean way, so it's funny. And he really doesn't help his case. At all. HAHAHA!

(this kid Pierce walks into class and he's pretty buff i guess and he was wearing a semi-tight shirt)

Aaron: Whoa Pierce. You're looking BIG in that shirt!

LOLOLOLOL. I laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I need to buckle down. Forrealz. I have so much I need to do but I just don't do it for some reason. And if I don't do the things I need to do, then I can never do things I want to do. Omg.... T___T I need summer. Not spring break, because then I'll have to study for AP exams. I need summer. So bad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mom thinks I'm depressed or "have a complex" or something. She asked me if I need therapy. T________________________T

I'm seriously considering it. But I'm not gonna tell her about it if I decide to do it. I'll ask my dad about it.

EDIT: I totally lied. I refuse to do it. Everything I'm gonna say to the shrink is gonna sound retardeddddddddddd. My problems are so TINY compared to other people's. I need to stop exaggerating my face off.

my life is OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

my life is freaking falling apart. nothing is happening the way i want it to. this is probably karma for something stupid i did.

i.

hate.

everything.

I have realized

I've pretty much ruined my life. I have no future.

I'm just gonna sit here and finish these sour patch kids and then eat everything else in the house. I don't care about getting fat anymore. Once I become a hobo, I'll lose all the weight anyway.

time to stuff my face with the most fattening foods possible

Yea, so my audition was so freaking bad. So bad.

0_0

This might be a sign for what's to come in the future. I'll bet all my college apps are gonna be so bad. And my next SAT score is gonna be so bad. My future job interviews are gonna be soooo bad. It's all downhill from here.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FREAKING HECKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

And I actually wouldn't even mind if I didn't make the tennis team this year. Just add that to the list of things i suck at. Freaking Mr. Taylor saw my audition. I can't face him without feeling ashamed anymore. T__T

T_T

....i freaking suck.

i better get my shit together by monday, or i'll have wasted 5 bucks.

gahhhh. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-___________-

Shalom 7:29 pm
-_-

dancingdesigirl 7:29 pm
awwwww
samdong

Shalom 7:29 pm
-_-

dancingdesigirl 7:30 pm
-__-
stop -_-ing

Shalom 7:30 pm
-___________-

it is 11:00pm monday night

i havent showered since saturday at like 1pm.

i think i almost broke my record, but i cant remember if i havent showered for longer or not. im gonna go shower in a little bit though since i have school tomorrow.

yay/boo?

I lost 5 pounds! But I'm not sure 5 pounds of what. It can't be water weight cuz i havent been sweating much out recently or drinking a boat load of water either.

I don't know if it's fat, cuz I'm not sure if I look thinner or not. Maybe it's cuz I see myself everyday. By I don't feel even slightly thinner. Maybe a little? Idk.

I really hope it's not muscle mass that I lost. Omg..... gah.

ALL IN ONE AGAIN

These are getting stupid, and I'm getting bored of it. So all in one post.

5 things you do when you're bored

1. listen to music

2. dance

3. sing

4. browse youtube

5. aol/yahoo/blogs/whatever

5 things that make you hyper

1. physics class

2. random things

3. dancing? or is that just energetic

4. cute guys in music videos and stuffs

5. listening to the amazing voice of certain cute guys

5 things you're known for

1. being stupid

5 things you want to do

1. go to the mall

2. lose weight

3. stay out of sunlight lol

4. take a shower

5. get an A on the next apcalc thing

5 things you'll never do

1. go to the moon

2. get eaten by a killer whale

3. streak

4. punch a baby

5. eat a bug

5 good things about you

1. im nice

5 bad things about you

1. im not nice

5 ways to make you cry

1. show me a really sad/touching drama or music video or movie or anything

2. punch me in the face

3. hurt my feelings a lot

4. yea..... that's pretty much it

5 ways to win your heart

1. be a gentleman

2. dude i don't even know.......... ummmm.... i dunno.

3. sing/dance for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. i dont know what someone would have to do to "win" my heart. but i like guys who are the opposite of me-ish. like not totally opposite, but kinda opposite

5. make me a sandwich

5 things you need to say

1. i dunno

5 signs that you're NOT into someone

uhh.... if i'm not into someone, then nothing changes.

but this is how u can tell if i actually dislike you:

1. i don't really talk to you

2. after you talk, i just look away and don't say anything

3. after you talk, i roll my eyes or narrow my eyes

4. i swear at you. i honestly don't swear at people i like unless i am very obviously joking, which isn't often. my jokes tend to consist of awkwardish type of things, but not swears. but if i call you a really bad name, then i probably don't like you.

5. uhh i dunno. i could probably count on one hand the number of people that i actually dislike, and i don't even remember who all of them are. other people, i might just think they're really annoying to the point of disliking them, but that's only like 2 people

Oh yea....

(my mom sliced me two kiwis for a snack)

Me: Mummy, I can't eat all this. Kiwis make you poop a lot.

Mummy: Stop, why do you say it so directly like that? DO YOU ALWAYS TALK LIKE THIS!?

Hehehe.... yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(my sister won some ear-radio thing at school. and she also got a 3D shirt with 3D glasses)

Sis: *looks at me through her 3D glasses*

Me: Meghana, I'm already in 3D. It's not gonna make a difference if you look at me through those glasses.

Sis: NUH UH! YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT!

Me: -_________-

Sis: *bumps into a chair*

Some convos

White: What time is it?

Me: That's a High School Musical song!!!!

Terrell: ...

Shalom: Manish, you're scary. Everything that I think in my head, you say it out loud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark: Do Asians have small d****?

Me: Shouldn't you already know? Since you're Asian.....?

Mark: I dunno, maybe I'm the exception.

(blah blah blah)

Tyusha: You don't know the kinds of things I've done Mark.

Me: I know! But I don't wanna know. It's gross. People shouldn't do that kind of stuff EVER!

Mark: Why? It's fun.

*-________________- I did not know Mark was like this*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(blah blah blah, it's Calculus and Tyusha was saying something about Mark not copying her work and then I said something and stuff blahblahblah I don't remember)

Mark: I'm not copying, I'm just checking....

Me: What Mark? You're checking out her numbers? You think Tyusha's answers are hot?

Mark: Blah blah blah Yea I like her numbers better than you.

Everyone: Ohhhhhhhhhh

Me: Yea but Tyusha's numbers are all you could ever get.

Mark: No. I could get like..... pie or something.

Me: What? -_____-

5 signs that you're into someone

lol. i am like. so freaking obvious. i have zero mastery over the art of subtlety.

1. Their pictures will cover my desktop background. ;) Well, maybe that's only for celebrity crushes...

2. I'll start acting differently towards them. Sometimes I might be nicer, but usually I'm meaner. I actually don't even remember because it's been so long since I've actually liked someone.

3. Even if I act meaner, I get really awkward and I probably make a really big fool out of myself.

4. Overanalyze everything.

5. I start scheming.... LOL.

6. I draw little hearts in my binders and random sheets of paper with their names in it. Like a 3rd grader -___-

7. When people are joking and they say that I like someone or that me and someone would make a good couple, I normally just laugh or be like "what? lol" or something along those lines. But when they say something like that about someone that I ACTUALLY LIKE then I start smiling at first, but then I play it off like I'm laughing. And then I say "that's stupid." or something to indicate that I'm in denial. And I can't stop myself from doing this.

8. If a friend knows about it, then they usually tease me about it and then I just sit there and smile like an idiot. Not just for that moment, but for the rest of the day.

9. I make dumb excuses to talk to them. And then I say dumb things.

10. I take the smallest comments that they say and twist them around to delude myself into thinking that maybe they like me too. For example, if they said they like girls that wear pink and the day before, I wore a pink shirt then I'll spend 47890 hours thinking if that was a SIGN or something. Lol. I'm stupid -___-

11. Even when they ask me a nonpersonal question like "What pages was the homework on?", I'll be like "OMG! WHY DID HE ASK ME OF ALL PEOPLE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHH!! ^_^"

12. I basically act like a lovesick puppy dog. Everyone in a 5 mile radius can see it.

Omg... when was the last time I liked somebody? I don't even know if these are true or not... I think they are.

I'm not good at thinking of titles for my posts.

I am addicted to these songs:

Even If I Die, I Can't Let You Go It's so.... soothing.

Oh Yeah I like MBLAQ. My favorites are Lee Joon and Mir. Various pics of Joonie now decorate my desktop background.

Went to the doctor's today and got my tooth extracted. Now I have a cap over it until i heals fully. This is weird. I thought this was supposed to hurt? But the anesthetic wore off like 7 hours ago and I'm fine. All I ate today was french fries and a banana. Alll dayy. I'm thirsty. This tooth cap is really weird. I think it's giving me a slight lisp. Bahhh. I took pictures after the extraction. I'll post all pics for the 365 thing this weekend.

So yesterday I was talking to Shalom, I discovered the greatness that is 2AM. I've never really listened to them before. I like 2PM cuz I like dance music and stuff but 2AM is more ballady. I like ballads, but I just don't listen to them a lot cuz I like more upbeat music. One of 2AM's songs was in Dream High so I looked up other songs. They have this one music video that comes in two parts. OMG! It made me cry. Especially part two. It just changed my whole perspective on life. I literally sobbed while I was watching part two. I cried even harder the second time. I'm stupid -___-

Part 1

Part 2

5 ways you break the ice

I skipped yesterday, so two today.

1. I don't. I just sit there and ignore them.

2. I say "Hi, what's your name?" and then proceed to ask 347043 more questions.

3. I purposely talk about cliche small-talk topics like the weather. Or any topic that I know everyone likes, such as food.

4. I say things like "I'm hungry.", "I have to pee.", or "He's stupid."

5. I don't even know the last time I was in a situation where I needed to break the ice. I mean, if I was in a professional situation, then I'd just talk about whatever I'm supposed to talk about. Otherwise.... who really cares?

5 not-so-basic facts about you

1. i like... to dance. lol this was in yesterday's list too.

2. uhhhh.... i dunno. i like to sing?

3. i spend my life on my bed. it's gross. i eat on my bed. i sleep on my bed. study, laptop, everything i could possibly do is done on my bed. my bed is kinda gross. i always want to sit down. the only way i can actually forget about my bed and eating is when im dancing.

4. i am very emotional and sensitive but i dont like to show it a lot. just smile all the time :)

5. i'm not stupid. -____-

5 basic facts about you

1. I am Indian. South Indian. From Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India.

2. I am extremely..... let's go with idealistic? Something like that. Naive? Stupid.

3. I freaking love food.

4. I love to dance.

5. I can drive by myself with "one other passenger" in 3 days. But I'm not getting a car.

gelnvd

I freaking hate my life.

I doing this

15 day 5 challenge

5 basic facts about you
5 not-so-basic facts about you
5 ways you break the ice
5 signs that you’re into someone
5 signs that you’re NOT into someone
5 things you do when you’re bored
5 things that make you hyper
5 things you’re known for
5 things you want to do
5 things you’ll never do
5 good things about you
5 bad things about you
5 ways to make you cry
5 ways to win your heart
5 things you need to say

MBLAQ!

AHHHHH I LOVE THEMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Lee Joon. Like seriously, he is the PERFECT type of guy for me. He's so funny and cute and random and freaking hyper lol. And on those variety shows, he ripped his pants TWICE. And he ripped his SHOES! How does somebody rip their shoes while jumping rope? Bahahahaha. He's so cute.

If I can't have Joon though, I think he and Mir would make a great couple. ;)

I LOVE THIS:

Kiwi poop.

(My mom gave me a plate of sliced kiwis for "lunch" since my dad wasn't gonna be back with Subway until 3)

Mummy: Tell me if you like them.

Me: Uh, I eat kiwis all the time. I like them.

Mummy: Are kiwis good?

Me: Yea they're the most nutritionally dense fruit.

Mummy: Really?

Me: Yea, but they make you go to the bathroom a lot.

Mummy: Peepee or poopoo?

Me: Number 2

Mummy: That's good!!

Me: -____-

I'm going to P.F. Chang's today! Yayyy. I will control myself, I promise. And I'll pray before I eat that I don't eat a lot. Lol.

27 days in one post

My SAT score was poop. Yea.

K Ummm....yea. Lol there's a new challenge I wanna do but I can't do it until I'm done this one so here I go. One shot.

Day 4 -Our Generation

I guess we're good since we're good with technology and we upload torrents and things like that. But I think as generations keep going on, people have less and less morals. Less values. It scares me, because our generation itself is already so bad, so what's the next generation gonna be like? I already have my future children's lives planned out and I'm scared that they won't be good kids. What if my daughter decides to have premarital sex or my son decides to be a druggie? I think I would die of heartbreak.

Day 5 - Haters

Ummm....I don't really know what I'm supposed to say about this. It's not really a bad thing if you have haters? Just deal with it. Haters on youtube are stupid, because if you didn't wanna see something then why'd you click on it? People have a right to hate though. I don't really care...

Day 6 - Followers

Not everyone can be a leader. There's nothing wrong with being a follower as long as you can still think for yourself. Don't follow someone blindly. I think there's a difference between following something that is popular or everyone is doing and following something just because you like it. Like, some might say that I'm easily influenced. But not really. If you look closely, you can see that whenever I adopt an idea or whatever, it's not because it's popular. It's just cuz I like it and I think it's cool. And usually other people think it's dumb anyway.

Day 7 - Tumblr

Uhh it's cool I guess.

Day 8 - Best friend

She pisses me off sometimes.... a lot, but in the end I always go to her with my problems and stuff. I wonder if we'll be friends when we're old and wrinkly. I wonder which one of us is gonna die first..... If it's me, I hope she makes sure I'm cremated with all my favorite stuff.

Day 9 - Wants and Needs

Uh I dunno. My biggest struggle between wants and needs is I want to dance, but I need to study.

Day 10 - Makeup

I never know how to spell makeup. Is it "makeup" or "make-up" or "make up"? That's why I just call it cosmetics usually whenever I'm typing it. I like it. I like really dark black inky eyeliner. And I'm forever buying new lipglosses and stuff because I keep searching for this certain color. But my lips are really weird. They're like... Guh. I never wore eyeshadow before really, but recently I bought this eyeshadow that's half pink and half sparkly and I keep wearing it. I like it. I like wearing lipstick with lipgloss over it.

My foundation that I wear just on certain spots on my face is meh. I don't really like drugstore brands that much. I wanna just replace all my makeup with stuff from Sephora or something, but I don't wanna make my dad buy it for me. I need to get a job.

I decided to start just concentrating on skincare and stuff. I HATE when I get tan in the summer. If it was just winter all year round I would be so much lighter. I like summer, but then when it comes, it's like all my hard work (not going outside ever) during the winter was wasted. So I went to Sephora and bought Shiseido sunblock. Cuz regular sunscreens don't stop you from getting tan. Yayyyy. I like it.

Day 11 - Global Warming

This is such an overrated topic.

Day 12 - Boys

Whatever. I don't really hang out with boys much. Like ever. Then again, I don't really hang out with my girl friends much either LOL. I dunno. I like boys tho cuz they're funny. Or dumb. Or they're funny because they're dumb. But, I don't really have any close guy friends I think. Nope.

Day 13 - Girls

Girls are.... girls.

Day 14 - Appearances

Appearances matter. I hate when people say appearance doesn't matter. It does matter. Stop fooling yourself. Like that one teacher in Dream High said, "There are no ugly girls, just lazy ones." I really think there are no ugly people. I've never seen an honestly ugly person. Anyone can be presentable and neat-looking if they just work at it. If you're fat, then exercise and don't eat fat food. I don't believe this "all shapes are beautiful" crap and I'm a girl. And it's not like this is coming from a skinny girl or anything. I'm not skinny either, so I can empathize. But if you're unhappy with your body, then work to get the body you want. It's hard. I know. (GAHHH IT'S SO HARD!!!!!) If you're zitty, then eat more fruits and drink lots of water and be gentle to your skin. Go to the dermatologist. If you're hair is terrible, then stop heat styling it, wash it with a gentle shampoo. Condition with natural stuff. Even if your facial features aren't like gorgeous, they're probably not like super deformed or anything. Just keep them looking neat.

Day 15 - Education

It's important. It's the only way you're guaranteed to get anywhere in life. Any other way is such a risk. That's what my parents always tell me and I guess it's true. Fliwfscjjlfa

Day 16 - Long Distance Relationships

I don't know.

Day 17 - Tumblr without pictures

I don't know. The only tumblr I read is Shalom's anyway.

Day 18 - Stereotypes

They're always based off a nugget of truth. I think they're funny sometimes. And... yea that's pretty much it. I don't really get offended when people use stereotypes for Indian people, cuz a lot of them are true. Some aren't and I don't understand certain comments people make, but those comments are usually reallyyyy stupid and are said by people like Joe Earhart so it's whatever.

Day 19 - Plastic Surgery

I'm not against it. If someone got it, I wouldn't look down on them or think they're vain or anything. It's their decision. If they were THAT unhappy with whatever it was that they changed, then it's better that they changed it. That being said, you can't just do stuff like that willy nilly. It should be reserved only if you REALLY REALLY want it. And before you do it, you have to make sure you're doing for YOURSELF. Not because the media said it's better, not because you saw it in a fashion magazine. Not because boys would like you better with bigger boobs (for one, I really hate large boobs. I think they're gross. Mine aren't the biggest, but I want them to be smaller, which they will be once i lose weight :D).

Also, I just wanna say that I read in a health magazine that liposuction only gets rid of the outer fat or something. It doesn't get rid of the dangerous deep fat near your heart. Just a warning to fat people that think lipo's gonna make them healthier.

Day 20 - My future

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Day 21 - Disrespecting my parents

I don't think I ever really disrespect them. We just don't see eye to eye on certain things. Even though we fight sometimes and yell and stuff, I've never called my mom any bad/swear words or even said "what the hell" in any of our arguments. Same goes for when I'm with my friends. Even if I complain, I've never said they're bad parents. And I do believe that it's important (in most families' cases) to try to never disrespect them, either through your actions or words. Because they're your parents and they're the ones that feed you and shelter and teach you the values and morals you have today. You would be nothing without them.

Day 22 - the three main topics that are often talked about on tumblr

whatever

Day 23 - Jealousy

I'm one of the most jealous people I know. I admire people who are always genuinely complimenting others or encouraging them. I hate myself for being so filled with jealousy. I think I wouldn't be so jealous if I could just have the opportunity to have what I really want. But I'm never gonna get it, so here I am. Always jealous. I'm jealous of pretty much all of my friends. Every one of them. I've tried so hard to put my jealousy aside since like 6th grade. I've gotten better. I give people compliments, and they're sincere. I congratulate people, and it's sincere. I encourage people, and it's sincere. But there's always a stupid, stupid part of me that hopes that they fail so that I can steal it for myself. I'm pathetic -__-

Day 24 - Guilt

Umm... I'm not currently really guilty about anything. No. Well I am. Sorta.

Day 25 - Regrets

I have lots of regrets.

Day 26- the world

Ummm..... it's a cruel place.

Day 27 - My parents

Are great. Annoying, but great. I'm grateful and forever indebted to them, even though I might not show it a lot.

Day 28 - Justin Bieber

Give the poor guy a break. Why do people call him gay and stuff? Because his voice is slightly girly and high-pitched? I've only heard "Baby" by him and I think it's pretty good, albeit repetitive. And a lot of male singers train themselves to keep their high-pitched voices because it's just a style. He can sing and dance better than a lot of you people, so unless you can sing or dance better than him, shut up.

Also, in that super bowl commercial, the guy was like, "What's a Bieber?" and then he was like "I dunno, he kinda looks like a girl." I respect him yo. Also, that was hilarious.

Day 29 - My ex

Ok, I only consider myself to have one real ex. Even though.... technically we never said we were "going out". But yea. Umm.... he was a nice guy. I think we would have been together for a long time if he hadn't moved. But I'm kinda glad he did cuz I was way too young to have been dating at 14. I still think I'm kinda too young. But he taught me a lot of things. Like how stupid guys are and stuff.

Day 30 - Me

No. Go away.

wooooooosh

I danced for like the first time since last May today. For like 3 hours. I could do this alll dayy every day with no breaks, but boo school stinks. My parents keep getting mad every time I decide to dance for some reason -__-. They're all like "Go study. Blah blah blah." Wthhhhhh.... -____________-

I think I'll make a dance cover for some song sometime like next weekend. 4Minute "Huh"? Maybee.

I go study now. -___-

Still Not Day 4

(In Spanish, me and a partner had to make up 10 sentences using vocab words about how we're gonna help save the environment.)

Me: We will invent robots that will save the world. Inventaremos robots que salvará al mundo.

Justin: Ok. And.... We will..... decrease.....pollution. From volcanoes.

Me: We can't do that.

Justin: What? Why not?

Me: Because.... we can't stop volcanoes from erupting.

Justin: But wha-..... oh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(I was saying something after AP Calc blah blah blah)

Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH my body

Tyusha: Your what?

Me: BODY!

Tyusha: What? Boty?

Me: BODYYYYY!!! LIKE YA KNOW, MY BODY!

Tyusha: OHH! Body! Like B-O-D-I.

Me: ..... what?

Tyusha: Uhhh....I didn't say that.

Not Day 4

I'll do this tomorrow or something.

SAT. -_________- That essay was poop. I actually thought I had a really good essay going until I got cut off in the middle of it. I only had a couple of sentences to go. So the last thing I wrote was, "No. I wa"

And I wrote/mentioned my dream in my essay. At least, I think it's my dream. But.... I don't know why I did that. Cuz that was the first time I admitted to myself that that's what I really want to do, but..... It's stupid. It's such a stupid, not practical dream. And I could have gone the rest of my life just thinking it was "just a thought" or "something that's cool", but now I can't. Cuz I wrote about it in my SAT essay. I hate the SATs.

AGHJKFHWODHSJDKSKDJLSWH I HATE THIS.. I'm gonna try hard now. And I probably won't be able to do it, but at least I can say I tried, right? Starting tomorrow.

No.... I don't know. I really don't wanna admit this, and trying hard would be admitting it. It's so dumb. -__- I'll just... kinda do something. But not really. And that way even if I fail, it's not like I "cared" in the first place.

Lololol Taeyang just updated his Twitter like 6 times in the past 20 minutes with pics. He's so cute. He's gonna leave NYC soon. Ahhh I felt so close to him these past few days ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I wonder where he's going next. LOL DELAWARE! Psych. If he came here, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'd be freaking out. And I'd skip school trying to find him lol.

Anywayyy, I guess I'll do Day 4 tomorrow.

Day 3 - Racism

I have much to say on this subject, but I don't really feel like doing this.

So I'm just gonna say that racism is bad. But it happens. And I'm racist too to an extent. But I'm not like "OHMAGAWD YOU'Z MEXICAN GO DIE!" I'm more like "ohmagawd crazy black girls are really annoying." And that's like... even BLACK PEOPLE think that. So I think I'm ok.

This is kinda like racism but a bit different. What I really hate is when people aren't open-minded. Like, I hate when people listen to music they've never heard before and they're like "omg this is gay". Or "this is so weird" or "why are they dressed like that" (referring to some scantily clad people in Indian music). Ok about THAT, the whole scantily clad thing. Man, that is NOTHING. Have you heard what kind of crap songs are in America these days. They're DISGUSTING. It's gross. Like... it's not even "cool". All these people listen to rap and stuffs because they're like "mannn I'm so G!" And I just wanna shoot them and be like "YOUR. MUSIC. IS. DISGUSTING." And it doesn't even sound like music half the time. I like r&b and rap when, you know, it sounds like MUSIC and it has a RHYTHM. But when it's just some guy talking fast in a sleazy, sloppy voice about dropping your panties or whatever I just don't get it. I don't even understand how these people become famous. They have no talent. I could do that! I JUST DON'T GET IT!

So I think if you're gonna be listening to crap like that, the least you can do is be open-minded when listening to other music.

gyfk

Eliot Chang

Ok so after the whole bad mood thing, I decided to watch comedians on Youtube.

White people are not funny. All the funny guys are either Indian, Asian, or Mexican. Maybe Italian sometimes. But white people suck. It's 4 AM right now and I've been watching sucky white people for the past hour and then I came across this guy. Lololololol

Day 2 - Confidence

I'm in such a foul mood right now that I don't know how I'm gonna get through this post. I'm literally shaking. Bottling things up is never a good thing and.... I dunno. Whatever. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. SHIT. Ok, I'm done.

About confidence: It's important to have it. People like people who have confidence. And people don't like people who don't have confidence. I personally really hate it when people are always putting themselves down in public and have too much self-pity. Like pretty people who say they're ugly. Sometimes I think they're just doing it for attention...which I guess equals low confidence. Which I don't like.

That's not to say I'm the most confident person in the world or anything. I think I act like I'm pretty confident. I mean I don't remember ever being less than confident in public. But god, everything I do, all the time, it's not even the real me. I don't even know what the real me is, man. I think my life has just become like a huge on-going act that I've learned to live out reallyyyyy well. So well that I forget that it's an act until I get like this. I hate being in this type of mood. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this post now. I should wait till later. Well I don't give a fuck.

I lied. My head's getting clearer now. I have confidence. But I also have self-doubt. Maybe more self-doubt than confidence, but you know what they say: fake it till you make it. I think I just press myself to be more confident and just hide away the doubt and worry so on the outside I become carefree or whatever. That's cool. I like carefree people. So if people think I'm carefree, then I'm doing something right.

I just think it's important to really know about yourself and believe in yourself. And even if you don't believe in yourself, cuz I don't really believe in myself much when I think about it, you just have to utilize your biggest weapon: lies. Lie to yourself until you make yourself believe it and then it'll be true. Or maybe it won't be true. But if you BELIEVE it's true then at least you'll be happy in thinking it's true.

And....I don't know. My thoughts are so jumbled up and I have so many thoughts right now. I just read what I typed and I don't think I included even half the things I wanted to. And the things I did include don't make sense without the stuff I didn't include so you get a completely different message than what I was trying to say. Blah. Whatever. Well while I was writing this and thinking about it, I thought, "Actors are just liars. Except more respectable." But I couldn't find a place to fit it in. And there's more stuff. AHHH! Too many thoughts. Ok I'm done.

Day 1 - Love

First of all, I just wanna say that I got a haircut. My hair feels sooo short now, even though some people would still consider it long. Maybe medium length. Anddd today I drew. I actually took a pencil and drew a person on a sheet of paper and took time to try to make him look nice. I drew a shirtless guy with a bow and arrows. I feel accomplished :D I HUNG IT UP ON MY REFRIGERATOR! :DDDD

Anyway, here goessss:

So I already wrote about some of this in that one post about Taeyang lol. But yea, I really do think all that.

And about friendly love....I dunno. I don't think it's as complicated. You love your friends or you don't. I love all my friends, buttt.... I don't think I've ever actually said "I love you" to someone. Except for....what's-his-face but I'll save that for Day 29. But I've never really told my friends I loved them or any of my family. And I have never told my parents I love them. Not once. But that doesn't mean I don't. I do, butttttt I just don't like...to...say it. I don't really like talking about my feelings. Like I talk about my superficial feelings to my friends or whoever but honestly, those things don't really matter to me. I've never talked about my fears, or hopes, or dreams, or insecurities with anyone.

Ok, I went off topic. Buttt you know, that could be a test or something in the future. Like I'll know if somebody's "the one" if I'm able to talk about those things with them. Or maybe not. I don't really want anyone to know about those things.

I don't know how anyone ever gets to the point where they decide they want to marry someone. It's like.... I don't know. I don't think I'm even qualified to be ranting about this topic since I'm so not experienced in it. I really don't know anything about it.

I love my sister. She's the one person in this world that I would probably give up anything or do anything for. Except I refuse to do things that involve me getting up and doing something. Like getting her a glass of water. BUT, I would do stuffs for her.

LOVE IS: when someone genuinely wishes for the well-being of another person. That's it. You might think it's too simple a definition, but I don't think it is. Because honestly, you can wish for the well-being of a lot of people and you can wish for people to be successful, but I think most people and definitely me included are always hindered from being good people because of this thing called ENVY (more on Day 23). So when nothing can stop you from wanting the best for someone else, even if it's at the cost of your own happiness, that's love.

I don't know if I can ever get to that level with anyone. lakfafbafhjakf. I'm never getting married. akfhakfhawfhua.KA:JDHAKLAHDLASD

Lifestyle change

Yesterday, I cooked something that was not noodles, pasta, or an omelette for the first time. I made a CHICKEN BREAST and I made a salad. And it was actually pretty good, considering I didn't know what I was doing.

My....it's not a diet. Like a lifestyle change? Yea that. It went well yesterday. Except that my sister gave me a brownie. And then I ate more brownies. But that was at the end of the day. I WAS DOING SO WELL UNTIL THEN! I ate all these vegetables and fruits and junk. Mannnn.

And LOL the funny thing is, my dad went grocery shopping the day before yesterday and I told him to get baby carrots cuz they're like the one vegetable that I even KNOW about. And then when I was about to eat some yesterday my mom was like "NO! YOU'RE ALLERGIC, REMEMBER?" And I was like "...oh yea." So I can't carrots. Darnit.

Anddddd I'm gonna do this 30-day rant challenge thing. Haha I stole it from Shalom's tumblr who stole it from someone else.

Day 1 – love
Day 2 – confidence
Day 3 – racism
Day 4 – our generation
Day 5 – haters
Day 6 – followers
Day 7 – tumblr
Day 8 – bestfriend
Day 9 – wants and needs
Day 10 – make up
Day 11 – global warming
Day 12 – boys
Day 13 – girls
Day 14 – appearance
Day 15 – education
Day 16 – long distant relationship
Day 17 – tumblr without pictures
Day 18 – stereotypes
Day 19 – plastic surgery
Day 20 – your future
Day 21 – disrespecting your parents
Day 22 – the three main topics that are often talked about on tumblr
Day 23 – jealousy
Day 24 – guilt
Day 25 – regrets
Day 26 – the world
Day 27 – your parents
Day 28 – justin bieber
Day 29 – your ex
Day 30 – you

I start today. But not now. Later.

AHHHMYGAWWWWWD

So I went to the doctor's on Thursday. I've been going to the doctor's a lot recently. Hm.

But I got weighed and OHHHMYYYYGOD! I'VE NEVER WEIGHED THIS MUCH IN MY LIFE! It's disgusting really. Like when I say the number in my head, it makes me puke. I remember back when I used to be a size 0, I would see a jeans size larger than mine and laugh at fat people that had to wear those sizes. I WEAR THAT SIZE NOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm weaning myself off junk food. No more chocolate. No more donuts. No more whatever. I'm eating clementines now. VITAMIN C!

My Room

Is so messy. My dad just told me that even the pens where they keep the buffaloes and goats and stuff in India are cleaner than my room.

And then he tried to clean it up, but I wouldn't let him because I had to learn responsibility. And I guess he's given up or something cuz then he was like "You'll never learn responsibility." -_-

HarHarHar

Haha I came home today and I tried to teach my mom a secret handshake so she would feel like she was hip and young. But she wasn't really paying attention. I guess old people don't have time for secret handshakes and stuff. Or maybe they just don't get it. So I was like "Mummy, you're not doing it right! You're so uncool." And then she's like "I'm not cool, I'm HOT! :D"

...-__-

I ate chicken wings today. They were sooo yummy oh my goddd. I think the last time I had them was like when I was 8. Maybe 9. I don't know, but it was years and years ago. Ahhh they were so good.

And yea, you know that whole hula hoop thing? It's not working out. Because I don't have a hula hoop. And apparently Walmart didn't have hula hoops. They probably did and my dad just couldn't find them. Geez, if you want anything done around here, you gotta do it yourself. You can't trust adults with anything anymore. *sigh*

I'm wearing a red shirt and white socks.

So Tyusha said I should tell a story today. So I shall. :D

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, there were two girls named Gertrude and Winifred and they were the best of friends. And there was also this guy named Jebediah. So Gertrude and Jebediah -

....ok this is a really dumb story, I don't feel like telling it anymore. -__-

But here's some really OLD OLD OLD convos that I randomly found in my binder today:

Shalom: It looks big.

Gay White: ...what looks big?

Shalom: Your skittles.

Me: No they're normal sized.

Shalom: No it was upright so I thought it was big.

Parkhill: YOU GOT JOKES!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shalom: Black people are weird.

Me: I know...

Blackman: Black people are weird?

Me: The screaming ones in the hallway.

Blackman: Oh yea

Gay White: White people are weird. I hate them.

Me: Shut up. >_<

Gay White: What? You're not white? Why would you be offe-

Terrell: Shut the f*** up.

Me: LOL

Blackman: LOL

White girl: LOL

Shalom: Did I miss something?

My Laziness Knows No Bounds -__-

So, I meant to write about this a few days ago but didn't because of the whole laziness thing.

I am sooooooooo lazyyyyyyyyyyyy. Like, it's gotten to the point where I won't/can't do anything for myself. So there I was, slobbing it out on the recliner and I think I was eating something and I asked my mom to take the empty bowl and put it in the sink for me. She wouldn't. My dad saw and he like forced me to get up and do it myself. Then my mom asked me to do something. So I told my sister to do it. And then my dad forced me to do it myself. Then he made me pick up something and throw it away from underneath the recliner. AND THEN he made me "do the same motions" 10 times because that was the only kind of exercise I was getting. Because apparently I don't do anything but sit around all day. ALL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it's kinda true.

So my New Year's resolution is to limit my time with my laptop. But I'm not gonna say how much I'm gonna limit it. I trust my judgment enough to think that I would limit myself reasonably. And I decided that my new form of "exercise" (well, I dunno if you can call it exercise but at least I won't be able to eat or sit down while I'm doing it) is to HULA HOOP while mindlessly watching TV.

See, I would have decided to start running everyday and going to the gym like I used to but my laziness has gotten to the point where I won't even run on the treadmill IN OUR HOUSE because I'm too lazy to put my socks and sneakers on. At least with hula hooping, I don't need socks. Or shoes.

But hula hooping is kinda blah though. You don't get the endorphins you get from running. I LOVE running. I mean I'm not one of those weirdos that love "to run". I don't like the actual RUNNING part. But when I'm done, then I'm happy and I actually look forward to the next day when I'm gonna run again. BUT NOW I'M SO LAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOLOLOLOL. I'm at my uncle's house and apparently the toilet upstairs is clogged so everyone's upstairs and they're trying to figure out how to unclog it and make it work again. It's hilarious. And now people are talking about my other uncle's marriage and his "matches" and stuff. And now they're talking about watches. And now they're talking about drums.

I put make-up on my uncle today :D I put foundation and mascara on him but he wouldn't let me do eyeliner for him. Lololol.

Oh, and now we're reading each other's palms.

I'm out.