Day 2 - Confidence

I'm in such a foul mood right now that I don't know how I'm gonna get through this post. I'm literally shaking. Bottling things up is never a good thing and.... I dunno. Whatever. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. SHIT. Ok, I'm done.

About confidence: It's important to have it. People like people who have confidence. And people don't like people who don't have confidence. I personally really hate it when people are always putting themselves down in public and have too much self-pity. Like pretty people who say they're ugly. Sometimes I think they're just doing it for attention...which I guess equals low confidence. Which I don't like.

That's not to say I'm the most confident person in the world or anything. I think I act like I'm pretty confident. I mean I don't remember ever being less than confident in public. But god, everything I do, all the time, it's not even the real me. I don't even know what the real me is, man. I think my life has just become like a huge on-going act that I've learned to live out reallyyyyy well. So well that I forget that it's an act until I get like this. I hate being in this type of mood. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this post now. I should wait till later. Well I don't give a fuck.

I lied. My head's getting clearer now. I have confidence. But I also have self-doubt. Maybe more self-doubt than confidence, but you know what they say: fake it till you make it. I think I just press myself to be more confident and just hide away the doubt and worry so on the outside I become carefree or whatever. That's cool. I like carefree people. So if people think I'm carefree, then I'm doing something right.

I just think it's important to really know about yourself and believe in yourself. And even if you don't believe in yourself, cuz I don't really believe in myself much when I think about it, you just have to utilize your biggest weapon: lies. Lie to yourself until you make yourself believe it and then it'll be true. Or maybe it won't be true. But if you BELIEVE it's true then at least you'll be happy in thinking it's true.

And....I don't know. My thoughts are so jumbled up and I have so many thoughts right now. I just read what I typed and I don't think I included even half the things I wanted to. And the things I did include don't make sense without the stuff I didn't include so you get a completely different message than what I was trying to say. Blah. Whatever. Well while I was writing this and thinking about it, I thought, "Actors are just liars. Except more respectable." But I couldn't find a place to fit it in. And there's more stuff. AHHH! Too many thoughts. Ok I'm done.